Skip to main content

Dirty Harry hates on Cloverfield

Wow. I did not have my hopes up, but I never expected a review like this:

A bunch of young, wealthy, utterly bland, similar-looking, Manhattan twentysomethings have a going away party for another young, wealthy, utterly bland, similar-looking, Manhattan twentysomething. After twenty minutes, the party’s finally interrupted by a rampaging “lizard” about the size of Godzilla. This forces the young, wealthy, utterly bland, similar-looking, Manhattan twentysomethings to run through the streets trying to save a young, wealthy, utterly bland, similar-looking Midtown twentysomething.

Save your money. Do this instead. Play 1998’s Godzilla on your TV with the sound off and record it with your own camcorder as you dance the hokey pokey. For a soundtrack find four of the stupidest public school educated teenagers in your neighborhood to come over and say things like, Dude, look out. Oh, man, we’re in trouble. What was that noise?

And this was after the other Harry loved on Cloverfield:

Having seen the film, I can tell you – I have completely forgotten the marketing. I no longer care why the film is titled CLOVERFIELD, I don’t think it has a secret meaning – other than the fact that the movie that the marketing would lead you to, if it will… will knock your cinema-going mind into the floor of the theater.

CLOVERFIELD is a bold genre-reinvention unlike anything we’ve ever seen before.

My son and I have had a running debate ever since the first teaser and through the actual trailer. He's relatively interested and I'm in fear that this will be crap. So far the crap reviews are winning, and yet I'm still tempted to go see it.

Why? For my first peek at this.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

John Wick: Chapter 4

No sense in playing coy, this is a great film. I’ve seen it twice and while I don’t quite love it in the way I love the first, original John Wick , it’s my #2. It’s a little overlong, has some wasted space and time, has one absolutely pointless and useless character, and generally ignores the realities of firefights, falling, getting shot, hit, etc. All that notwithstanding, it’s a great action flick, has a genuine emotional core, and is well worth your time if you’re into that sort of thing. Like I am. Summary: John Wick (Keanu Reeves), last seen saying he was fed up with the High Table, goes to war to obtain his freedom. Some of the most incredible action scenes ever filmed ensue, culminating in a very satisfactory finale and a devastating post-credit scene. The first Wick film was a surprise hit. It was a simple, straight-forward tale of vengeance told in a simple, straight-forward manner. Where it stood out was its devotion to human stunt work, on exploiting long camera shots that ...

DVD: The Descent

While waiting for the fourth disk of season 4 of House to arrive, I watched The Descent . This movie has been out on DVD for a while, so why bring it up now? Because I think I might become a fan of its writer-director, Neil Marshall . His latest is Doomsday , recently released on DVD, and while it’s sort of a mess, it’s a mess in that oh-fun-what-the-heck-let’s-shoot-a-Bentley-through-a-bus sort of way. The Descent is a different sort of animal. Prepare for spoilers. Since this film has been out for a while, I’m going to feel free to reveal. The setup is simple: Six friends go spelunking, complications ensue. Basic complications involve Sarah and Juno. Sarah is an emotional wreck following the rather horrible and tragic deaths of her husband and daughter (this trip is seen as therapy , oh my). Juno is a reckless thrill-seeker who leads an unknowing Sarah and friends into a cave no one has – publicly, at least – ever explored. All goes horribly...

Dune Part 2 (2024)

I have come not to praise Dune but to bury it. I am in a distinct minority. So be it. To explain why, there will be some minor spoilers ahead; sorry. The short version is #NotMyDune. Summary: Picking up where Dune Part 1 left off, we find the young Paul Atreides (Timothée Chalamet) hanging out with the Fremen. Plots to overthrow rival houses and empires ensue. Go here to see what I thought about Dune Part 1 (2021) . Overall, I found it to be technically brilliant, but lacking a human heart, an exercise in frenetic slow motion. D2 is more of the same, though with far more action. Acting-wise, everyone is doing a fine, more than adequate job. Absolutely no one or nothing stands out. The way the characters are written (adapted, actually), their back and forths and interactions, are all weak and unengaging. I generally hate when they speak. I've read the novel a ridiculous number of times, and these films are prompting me to read it again. I understand that trying to translate the n...