Skip to main content

Bored With the Rings





All right, I am a heretic. I am about to commit blasphemy. I shall engage in an act which will have many questioning my sanity, or at least my taste. So be it.



"LOTR: The Two Towers" sucks.



All right, I understand that middle films in any trilogy have a hard road to hew. Fine. If that's the nature of the product, then the producers of that product know that going in and should act accordingly. In other words, they should make a product that is superior to the first, and maybe even the third. In contrast to that lofty ideal, "The Two Towers" is lacking. It is just more of the same from "The Fellowship of the Ring," no less and absolutely no more. No more plot, no more development, no more interesting. Ugh. It is a big, huge, string of "zzzzzzzz."



This has really bugged me because people whose opinions I respect have raved about this film. They love it. I hate it. Where does this disconnect come from? When I saw it on The Big Screen, I walked away going, for the first time ever, "Can I have those three hours of my life back?" I have seen some absolutely shitty films and I have never felt like watching them was such a complete waste of time.



Does anything happen in "The Two Towers"? If anything does, I missed it. I've watched it again on DVD. I'm still missing it. It's beautifully photographed, gorgeously rendered, lovingly assembled...and a whole string of other "ly" words apply to its technical construction.



BUT!



The plot moved forward not one smidgen. Precisely two things sorta happened. You got to see that Gollum has A Good Side. Gosh, how sweet. Only by film's end he's precisely back where he started at film's start. He's an annoying little prick who wants his precious, and is plotting the ugly demise of Frodo in order to get it.



The other item were those walking tree critters who aren't trees. They were cool. I have heard they're not in the book. That would explain why they are cool. And if they are in the book, well at least this is a great rendition.



The tree dudes point out one of the biggest issues I have with the film, though. Namely, they are all, storming the evil tower, stomping (literally) orc ass. Then someone utters, "Release the river!" Where in the hell did that dam come from? I don't remember that in the first film, and I looked for it in the scenes leading up to this climax in the second film. It just sort of, "poof," appears and drowns all sorts of bad guy mischief. Deus ex machina? "And suddenly I dreamed I had a phaser...."



But really, where's the plot? Years and years ago I tried to read these books and I just for tired of reading about people walking around, smoking pipes, eating food, walking around, sulking, walking around, eating food, pining for the fjords, walking around, drinking and eating, talking, thinking, feeling gloomy, and....



Oh hell, you get the idea.



There are those among you who adore such things. I am not of you. I prefer a book, a story, driven by plot. I'm not picky about the plot. I'm not even a stickler for the speed at which the plot unfolds, unravels, or otherwise meanders. I just want a plot. Well, usually. I'm not consistent. This weekend, after sleeping through "The Two Towers," I watched the newly released Fosse wonderwork "All That Jazz." Does it have a plot? Well, sorta, but it's driven by characters. Would that this had been true of "The Two Towers."



Personally I've already decided that after "The Return of the King," when all three are wrapped up into a DVD set, you could pull "The Two Towers" out of the boxed set and never miss it. Unless you were some sort of Tolkien freak. But then again, you're already screaming about Peter Jackson's alterations, the bastard.



UPDATE:



I forgot to mention that decent mid-trilogy films do exist. "The Empire Strikes Back", in addition to being the best of the original three films, demonstrates what a mid-trilogy film can do. Characters evolved, they changed. Situations changed. The Plot Unfolded. Etc.



From what I have been told, "The Matrix: Reloaded" does the same. (I missed it at the theatres, and thus must wait until October 14 for the DVD to know for sure.) All complaints about the film aside, it moved the plot along. Things were different at the end than they were at the beginning.



In other words, both of these mid-trilogy films did what "The Two Towers" didn't.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not the Hero We Deserve, But the Hero We Need

The Dark Knight is the best film I’ve seen in years. Not just the best “superhero” film, but the best film of any type. It’s not perfect, not quite a masterpiece, but it’s flaws are, to me, tiny and overwhelmed by the time the film ends. While relatively bloodless, it is consistently brutal, not just in what it depicts but in the themes that drive it. TDK is a film for adults, please leave the kids at home. Let’s deal with those “flaws” first, the largest being the character Rachel Dawes . In Batman Begins , I blamed Katie Holmes . Her acting was weak, to say the least, which is regrettable in that who she is and what she says and does are important to the film. Critics agreed and either for that or other reasons, Katie was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal , who is a better actress. Yet here she’s weak, real weak. Maybe it’s the character, not the actress, which is frustrating because Rachel is a pivotal character. The film,...
1 comment
Read more

John Wick: Chapter 4

No sense in playing coy, this is a great film. I’ve seen it twice and while I don’t quite love it in the way I love the first, original John Wick , it’s my #2. It’s a little overlong, has some wasted space and time, has one absolutely pointless and useless character, and generally ignores the realities of firefights, falling, getting shot, hit, etc. All that notwithstanding, it’s a great action flick, has a genuine emotional core, and is well worth your time if you’re into that sort of thing. Like I am. Summary: John Wick (Keanu Reeves), last seen saying he was fed up with the High Table, goes to war to obtain his freedom. Some of the most incredible action scenes ever filmed ensue, culminating in a very satisfactory finale and a devastating post-credit scene. The first Wick film was a surprise hit. It was a simple, straight-forward tale of vengeance told in a simple, straight-forward manner. Where it stood out was its devotion to human stunt work, on exploiting long camera shots that ...
Post a Comment
Read more

We pause now for a minor rant…

“My car has a flat tire.” “You should buy a new car.” Every time I hear President Obama and other Democrats talking about “health care reform,” that’s what the conversation sounds like. A health care crisis is declared and the only solution is to replace the entire system. At most, around 15% of the American population is without health care insurance. Ignoring the fact that for most of them, this is a matter of choice, it also means that 85% are insured. And of that 85%, something like 70+% like their current coverage and don’t want the government to touch it. So for the vast majority, the current system works and works great. Yet, because of the minority for whom it allegedly does not...toss it all, start again. Admittedly, regardless of insurance coverage, it all costs too much, but again, the only accepted approach to controlling costs are to throw out everything and turn it all over to the government. Tactics that are proposed to address specific cost issues are not consid...
Post a Comment
Read more