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We'll always have Paris...unfortunately

As a society, we coddle drunk drivers. We tolerate them like no other class of criminal. We forgive them their trespasses, regardless of how often and blatantly they trespass, and we only appear to become incensed when they kill someone. When that happens, we reduce their offense to misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter, which in California carries a maximum sentence of one year in the county jail. They might do a month, maybe. It's as though we collectively say, "There but for the grace of God go I..."

Your average drunk driver -- someone just caught driving drunk, with no one hurt, no one killed -- gets a much lighter, albeit expensive, sentence.

Paris Hilton was arrested for driving under the influence (DUI). She pled no contest, was convicted, and received the standard sentence that included probation and a suspended driver's license; pointedly, no jail time. She then behaved like most convicted drunk drivers: She went for a drive on her suspended driver's license, down to her favorite watering hole, and had a drink or three. And like lots of drunk drivers, she got caught again. And again.

Hilton's current favorite car is a Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren, which has a top speed somewhere north of 200 miles per hour. Most drunks are satisfied with killing people using little economy cars or family sedans. Hilton arms herself with a high-speed cruise missile.

Hilton is not a "non-violent offender". Some classify her as such because she hasn't yet crushed someone with her SLR. I'm trying to figure out how "non-violent" it is to be smashed like a bug into the windshield of a high-speed car. The SLR's windshield does have a nice rake to it, so I suppose you'd just roll up into the air and splat onto the pavement. With that sloped nose the car's paint job wouldn't be too scuffed, either, thank goodness; the repair bill must be horrific.

At some point in her journey through the criminal justice system, and that point varies from case to case, the system decided enough was enough. This is a rare circumstance, as rare as being born into so much money that you are oblivious as to how the world operates.

I don't envy the LA county sheriff, but I would applaud if he just came out and said, "Hey, my jail ain't big enough for her kind." Of course, if he said that he would have to explain why he's still housing others whose sentences were for less time than Hilton, or who were convicted of actual non-violent offenses (e.g., shoplifting). Oops, that might be embarrassing, having to explain away such inconsistencies.

The LASO still hasn't complied with the judge's order to present evidence of a medical condition requiring Hilton's early release. All we know of her "medical condition" is that she cries real well. I recall the opening scenes from The Shawshank Redemption. Didn't a "new fish" get beaten to death because he couldn't stop crying? Seems crying is not sufficient reason to release someone from custody. If it were, we'd never arrest anyone for anything at anytime, because few cry as much as those who have been caught.

Not that I'm arguing to have Hilton beaten, to death or otherwise. I do wonder, though, how different her life might have been if her mother had spanked her a few times. I also wonder if Mom's behavior would improve if someone spanked her, and I don't mean someone from Olga's House of Pain.

Paris Hilton is a serial drunk driver. Like other celebrities before her, notably Martha Stewart, she's shocked to discover that she's not above the law and the court is serious when it says, "Thou hath offended, get ye to jail."

Welcome to the simple life.

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