I was home, brought low by a head cold, and while perusing Netflix discovered that the 2014 remake of the brilliant 1987 Robocop was available. Since I didn't have to expend any additional funds, or even much effort, I watched it.
Let's not beat around the bush: Jose Padilha's Robocop is awful. It is lifeless, soulless, and utterly lacking any reason for being. This is ironic in that Paul Verhoeven's original film, while being a dark and biting satire, also explored definitions of life and the human soul. Apparently all of the production forces at work in the remake thought those things were excess baggage.
At an unspecified time in the future, America apparently rules the planet. Omnicorp, the leader in the production and worldwide distribution of autonomous combat robots, wants to bring its wares to the US, only that's illegal. Seeking a way to sway public opinion, the vile corporate dogs hatch a plan to put a man in a machine, thus creating Robocop. See, that means the "robot" will have a human "conscience" and that makes everything all right.
Sure.
The opening sequence shows an HDTV screaming head, Pat Novak (a lackluster performance by Samuel L. Jackson; how in the hell do you get a lackluster performance out of Samuel L. Jackson?) ranting about how America is "robophobic." He illustrates how awesome these robots are by showing them at work "keeping the peace" in Tehran.
When the robots dispatch a series of attackers, we're supposed to take this as some sort of "fail" on the part of the robots. But it isn't. They're part of an occupying force in a combat zone. They work perfectly, only the film somehow wants to you to believe they acted incorrectly. Right away, the film's intellect goes astray.
It doesn't get any better when you meet the new Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman). He's one of the worst cops ever. In the original Robocop, Murphy isn't necessarily a walking/talking paragon of law enforcement, but at least there's a wee bit of thought behind what he and his partner do. They at least make a nod toward calling for (unavailable) backup. Sure, they go brain dead a moment later by splitting up, but at least there's something.
Here, nothing. The original Robocop, in addition to being a superior film, illustrates where the remake fails, so get ready for more comparisons.
The original spent some time to show you crime in Detroit, so you understood the problem; the new one can't be bothered, which means you're left wondering what is the big need for robots. The original took some time to show you the sorts of crime the major villain was involved in, especially his links to Omnicorp; in the remake, you get a scene with a standard (yawn) shootout and that's it. The original showed you the inner workings of Omnicorp and the growing power struggles; in the remake, there are no struggles, we're just left to assume they're evil because corporations.
Near the beginning, you get glimmers of what might have been. There are legitimate concerns about the use of drones, autonomous or otherwise. There are also on-going discussions about the future of law enforcement and what it should look like. The film briefly acted as though it wanted to explore issues of choice and free will. But then it suddenly couldn't be bothered with such things.
The ending comes out of left field. I'm tempted to watch it again in case I missed something, because I got the distinct impression that the bad buys were the bad guys for no other reason than they worked for a corporation. In the original, you built up to knowing that the street hood works for the corporation for specific reasons. Here, that revelation is thrown on the floor almost entirely at the end without a shred of connective tissue.
The cast is uniformly bland at best, and often worse. I was stunned at how poor a job Gary Oldman and Samuel L. Jackson did. This was nothing more than a paycheck for the pair of them. Michael Keaton, as the big, bad, corporate wolf, couldn't be bothered to actually, you know, act (ironic given his Oscar nominated performance in Birdman). This is massively frustrating as I generally like every single member of the cast, even Kinnaman who was appropriately slimy in the series The Killing. But here…what the hell happened?
About the clearest thing I can get from this film is that the filmmakers do not understand the difference between being a soldier and being a cop. If I had felt this was maybe the point of the film, that the corporate villains of villainy didn't understand that and so were attempting to apply a military solution to a civilian problem, that might have worked. Alas, no.
Egads, I want to find something to like in this film, but I just can't. The cinematography is generic and paint-by-the-numbers, as are the action sequences, which are for the most part listless CGI affairs. Ditto the set and production designs. I'm sad about the music by the generally great Marco Beltrami; please, someone, give him a better film to write a score for.
In the end, I feel about Robocop 2014 the way I feel about the pair of (Un)Amazing Spider-Man films. They are nothing more than journal entries on someone's ledger, lacking any sense of story, style, or skill. The best thing I can say about the film (yay, I found something) is that there probably won't be a sequel.
Probably. Unless the ledger demands it. Then God help us.
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